Category Archives: Life story

Talking of loss on live TV – and the lesson I learnt on how to make your point…

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Being on TV was an incredible experience and I just realised that with everything going on – the PR, the book signing, life’s normal stuff, crappy or not, I never got to tell you about it, so here we go…

First, thank you to everyone who followed the link on my website to the Studio One show and commented. So supportive and lovely – you are stars. Studio One is the main Dubai channel’s live flagship show. Think BBC’s The One Show and you’ll be there. In an extraordinary turn of events and connections, a dear friend, whom I hadn’t seen since 1999, the year that Rowena died, ended up coming along to the show with me. Extraordinary because I only met her for the first time in 1999, just weeks after Weeny died when we were on business in a hotel in Bangkok. But there she was, now living in Dubai and holding my hand as I prepared to talk about losing a loved one. Never tell me there’s no such thing as fate…

It seemed a daunting task, but the guy, Tom, an expat who runs the show along with his Arabic co-host, was sensitive and kind, chatting to me before the show – and at one time he seemed to have tears in his eyes. We are all touched by loss and grief – maybe something resonated with this lovely guy.

By the time we were chatting on live TV, he felt like an old friend and my nerves were completely gone, also partly because he provided me with some very useful tips, reinforcing some points my FB friend, Jack Owen, had pointed out subsequent to his appearance with Joan Rivers (yes – that Joan Rivers!).

1. Don’t look at the camera – you’ll look daft.

2. Don’t gabble – you need to make clear points.

3. Keep it snappy. Talk in sound bites. Why? Because you’ll pack in much more of what you want to say than if you start heading off on a tangent (I am so good at tangents – this was the best advice ever!).

4. Don’t fiddle with anything – hair, nails, nose. Watch the show – you’ll see I have my hands glued to a copy of The Thinking Tank.

5. Wear something comfortable that also makes you feel good: A particular challenge as this was of course a conservative show in the Middle East and I need to be pretty much covered.

Great advice and a worthwhile experience. The pay-off for the nerves would be knowing that someone out there took heart from what I said – that in some way it helped. But that I will probably never know. One just has to hope…

 Here’s the link to the interview. It’s only 8 minutes long and starts around 5 mins 8 secs into the programme:

http://vod.dmi.ae/media/video/58605/Studio_One___S2_Ep_80

Or find it on my website: www.jaedewylde.com

Buy your copy from Amazon - Kindle or paperback - or from Walkers Bookshops and branches of Waterstones... X

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Naked in Rutland: Titillating?

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Was I trying to titillate the reader with my descriptions of what happens to Sally? It’s a question that has been nagging at me since, last week in Rutland, there was a lady brave enough to ask it – maybe even accuse me of it. I know absolutely I am not glorifying any aspect of what is unquestionably abuse – my intention is, of course, quite the opposite.

But what about the titillation?

Sometimes it takes a brave person to mention the elephant in the room – and there were in fact several such brave women at the reading group, where I was invited to answer questions about The Thinking Tank. I’ve talked about feeling naked before – having yourself out there, your written word being analysed, chewed over, interpreted, misinterpreted, whatever. But this was a bit different.

 I don’t usually feel the need to justify my choices – no, wrong – if I justify my choices, I usually feel comfortable. But then nobody has used that word, ‘titillation’ before. It has a nasty sting, that word, and is surely almost a subset of the word ‘gratuitous’.

What happens has to be seen through Sally’s eyes, and felt through Sally’s senses and conveyed to the reader as Sally herself experiences what is happening. Do we not all recognise those murky first stirrings of awakening through pseudo-sexual games? Is it not fair to relate it as it is, and with the effect it will inevitably have on a vulnerable player in my novel? If we are not moved by what is happening – aghast, shocked, thrust out of our comfort zone by uncomfortable passages as we follow Sally’s journey, then how can we possibly relate to what is the catalyst for all that happens thereafter? How can dot-dot-dot convey the horror of what occurs?

The dilemma remains with me, but The Thinking Tank is already out there…

Sally was titillated, despite the shame and the horror and the wanting to be wanted.  So we, being put into that place and into her mind and body, are also titillated. Is that how it works?

The Thinking Tank is available from Walkers and Waterstones and on Amazon in paperback and Kindle.

Log on to www.jaedewylde.com for further info & to www.expatbookshop.com for lots more…

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#57 on Amazon Women’s Fiction Bestsellers – definitely NOT life’s crappy stuff!

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Captured on screen at #59!

Last week, when Summertime Publishing named me their Best Selling Author, 2011, I didn’t think the week could possibly get better. But it actually did…

And, OK, Jo Parfitt (www.joparfitt.com), you were right! An author’s ‘backstory’ really does make a difference.

When the Gulf News Friday Magazine published my story by the excellent journalist, Antonia Hoyle (www.antoniahoyle.com), I felt like hiding under the duvet (www.gulfnews.com/life-style/general/belly-dancing-saved-me-from-my-grief-1.960098). I just had this idea that my novel was this separate entity, that needed to be other than me, rather than sharing my history and my sadness. Stupid, I know, when you look at it because what else does an author do other than pour out real emotions, layered onto the characters and their situations? Even so, my novel is fiction and I thought that my ‘backstory’ might somehow infect what I had created. I don’t do ‘poor me’ and anything that smacks of that just doesn’t sit well.

But the support since last Friday has been incredible such that I would never have dreamed possible. Even people from my past have been back in contact. Then, on Sunday afternoon, The Thinking Tank went to #57 on Amazon Women’s Fiction. Extraordinary. Me, on Amazon’s Top 100 Bestsellers’ list? 23 places ahead of Costa Coffee Shortlister, Chris Cleave, and only 37 places behind the wonderful Jodi Picoult. That is just bonkers.

So, Jo was right, I was wrong. There. I’ve said it.

And a great big stonking THANK YOU to everyone who has been in touch. There are comments on the Friday magazine article – but most have come via FB messages or email. To know that my story has made a difference, to know that it has helped some of you who are bereaved take a baby step forward – that is huge.

As to the ratings – what an amazing blessing from the universe…

’tis the season to be signing…

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Signing The Thinking Tank, surrounded by lovely clothes in White Stuff, Stamford!

I’ve been very blessed with some encouraging numbers at book signings, but when the lovely people at Summertime Publishing asked me to write about how I go about approaching customers, I was a little nervous. The way in which you relate to people is very personal, so how can you possibly provide a blueprint for that?

The answer is that you can’t – but what I can do is just tell you straight how it works for me…

The best tip anyone ever gave me about the sort of situation when you want folks to talk to you is to have something to offer them – so, in my case, I have sweeties! Maybe you have a bookmark or other PR-related product but for me, sweeties do it every time.

Wear a smile – it warms people’s hearts – and in my case I really mean that smile as I am so grateful to be invited to sign and meeting potential readers is a real joy.

I also use humour and joke that folks don’t have to buy the novel to have a sweetie, but it gives me a great entrée and it’s a relaxed way of starting up a conversation about why you are there.

Often, a customer will be wearing something striking or different, which you would be tempted to comment on in any circumstances – that’s another way to begin a dialogue – ‘love your sweater…’

In my experience, people are very willing to listen, especially in a book shop – they are probably curious to know what’s new on the market anyway. That said, I sold the second largest amount of books in a signing in a clothes store – just the fact of you being there is food for chat.

Engage people in conversation and offer a few details about your book that you think might appeal, aiming what you say at what you think they might enjoy – or need. So many guys pop into bookshops looking for that last little gift. ‘The lady in your life would love this…’ Ladies out with their daughters are interested in the fact that The Thinking Tank centres on a mother/ daughter relationship, and local people love to see that my novel is set in their area. Those going on holiday would like the fact that it’s partly set in Spain and most folks love a good page turner!

I suppose the loudest message is make it personal and don’t be afraid to come forward. Don’t underestimate how intimidating it might be for a customer to approach you – for all they know you could be dead famous and snooty! Make the first move – the worst that can happen is that they don’t buy your book – the best that can happen is that they buy the book, love it, pass it on – and you’ve made new friends.

And enjoy yourself. This is a huge opportunity and a blessing and even if you sell little, you’ll have met some lovely people – and you never know where that will lead.

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Elle Amberley, author of Nowhere Left To Hide

I am delighted to have had the opportunity this week to interview Elle Amberley, author and many time expat, as well as expert in life’s crappy stuff.

Although she is a British author, Elle likes to dabble in French too, and hopes to resume work on her French novel when time allows.
 
Elle is a bohemian at heart, the result of having lived in several countries as a child. She also enjoys writing articles on women’s issues and whatever she feels passionate about, as well as poetry and short stories. Lost in your time is scheduled for publication in February 2012.
 
My own experiences abroad and dealing with life’s crappy stuff certainly went into the mix when I was writing The Thinking Tank – so I wanted to ask Elle about how those very things influenced her..
 
 
You’ve been an expat on and off for much of your life, Elle. Was this self-imposed or did you follow your family to foreign parts? As a child we lived in various European countries. I did hanker for a place to call home but then I hankered even more for safety, stability and most important love…As a teenager I had to rebuild my life. As the police suggested at one point, the best thing for me was to move as far as possible. Which I did, going as far away as America and Australia, best thing I could have done to free my mind and soul.
Can you tell us where you have lived and what effect you think this has had on your writing? I’ve lived in France, Spain, Italy, Switzerland, Germany and a few more European countries. Each place has had an influence on me, particularly France and Italy. Unbeknown to me my French just kicked back in action after 10 years of not using it at all. I’m now writing in French, a funny consequence to a big drama. A few years ago stricken with grief I’d closed up and then met a very special person who put the pen in my hand and sat me at his desk. Words flowed out in French through the tears. Imagine my surprise when I realised what I’d written.
Being exposed to so many cultures is very enriching and provides many a background.
 
You are known to be a survivor and a person who has dealt with plenty of life’s crappy stuff. How is this reflected in your work? Readers often comment on the fact I can put a positive spin on difficult themes. I’ve had to be very strong and independent, I think it’s reflected in my novels.

Please tell us a little about your latest novel, Nowhere to Hide (Indio Press): A young woman seeks to escape her past. She grabs the chance she’s given to go and study in California, despite the difficulties. In Santa Barbara she finds a new way of life, far away from her tormentors and childhood ghosts. She shakes off the labels and finds friendship and love. But what will she do when her visa expires and her boyfriend asks her to marry him?

Was there a particular life situation that inspired the themes? Yes, definitely. I know only too well what’s it’s like having to run from your home.

Elle's books are available on Amazon

 I understand that you have adopted a pen name. What advice would you give to anyone wanting to share their own experiences but through fiction? The reason I adopted a pen name was to protect myself. I did have to change my name because of what happened to me. It was a freeing experience, another label off my back. Difficult to explain without going through all the nitty gritty. I think as authors we all put our own experiences into our books. However, this is not a memoir even if it is my most personal novel to date. I think memoirs have their place and I find writing to be a wonderful healer. I have resisted so far the calls to write my own memoir. You should never say never but I don’t think this is for me. I much prefer to use my imagination run free.

Finally, what do we have to look forward to next in terms of your writing, Elle? Quite a few more short stories, poems, a French novel and LOST IN YOUR TIME my next novel to be published in February 2012.
 Thank you so much for having me on your blog. Fabulous questions, I’ve enjoyed answering them.
The pleasure is mine, Elle – thank you for your time.
More information about Elle and her writing can be found at the following links:
 
 
 
 
 
                    Elle on amazon UK

Writing a novel: Author to author: Jae De Wylde interviews Elle Amberley

Writing a novel: Life in the Tank

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The TV monitor above the Tank relieves the boredom and alone-ness

My treatment in the hyperbaric oxygen tank was like nothing else I had experienced. When you have a condition that is pain-related, it’s hard for people to understand what the whole fuss is about. I get that. We all get that, those of us who have silent illnesses – the sort you can’t wear, which aren’t signposted by crutches, slings, wheelchairs or sticks. So telling people I was to spend two hours a day, five days a week in an oxygen tank felt a bit like making a bad joke.

 It was even more difficult when I got to the hospital. HBO is used for diseases of the nervous system but also for open wounds that won’t heal. Sarah in The Thinking Tank encounters such a situation when she meets a woman with damaged tissue on her face. If I dig deep, I guess what it made me feel was a fraud. Like if I don’t have some outward badge of pain, then I can’t possibly deserve this treatment. And when you feel like that you get all apologetic for even being there. Hats off to the amazing staff at the former Edith Cavell hospital in Peterborough who were real earth angels and did all they could to make visits to the HBO unit like a coffee morning. But that alone-ness, when everything is cool and separate in the tank – even the earth angels could not fix that.

Which is where the telly comes in – if you want it to. I’ve included a pic to explain a bit about how it works. It is surreal, so it’s hardly surprising that it’s hard to visualise. The monitor is outside the glass cylinder and sound – someone talking to you or sound from the TV – is piped in through an intercom system. And it works both ways. You can be heard too from the outside. It’s another way of making you feel less diconnected but the truth is, there is nothing like two hours in a treatment chamber to underline your disconnectedness – the fact that no one else on the planet can feel your pain – that pain is personal, be it physical or metaphorical, and let’s face it we all tend to think our own pain must be the worst. The truth is that whatever your worst is, is simply that – your own personal worst. We live by degrees. We get hurt by degrees. The more pain we encounter in life the more we are likely to cope with more pain – or if not, we go under.

We each of us live life in our own tank. We just don’t always know when we are there – and we forget that to connect we need to reach out from our tanks, from our pain and from our own private worlds. Sarah gets stuck in hers and to move forward she has to uncover the secrets that keep her and her daughter apart.

 Like Sarah, I watched film after film in my oxygen tank. The difference is that whilst I chose my own films and the tank, the catalyst for The Thinking Tank, chose me, Sarah’s films choose her  – and try as she might to make them stop, the tank just thinks for itself…